Thursday, 29 November 2018

Getting over the gay age gap

Me and my man, Fouras Western France, Nov 2018
I've fallen in love for only the second time in my life.

I wasn't expecting it and thought I was past this kind of thing, being 52 and all. 

He is 38, so quite a bit younger, but insists he's totally in love with me, too. The age difference doesn't bother him. If anything, I'm the one being ageist, forward thinking our lives together, double checking if he really does mean it, worried about 'getting involved' with a younger guy.

When did I get to be so insecure? Well, that's a loaded question actually. I've been insecure for a couple of years now. Life has been a struggle, but I've held myself together and now want to enjoy the prospect of a new love in my life.

Photo: @dlanceblack Instagram
To be honest, if I look around, there are plenty of other couples in my life who have similar age gaps and who are perfectly happy. There's no end of hetero men happily re-married to 'younger models', and in my particular community - the gay one - such age gaps are common.

Dustin Lance Black and Tom Daley seemed the most recent example I could find where gay love and age were proving a successful match; Their 20 year age bridge proving no barrier at all. And of course there's 'Elton and David', with a mere 15 years between them.

And then I suddenly remembered that my muse for Changing Trains, Christopher Isherwood, also fell for a much younger man.

Bachardy (left) and Isherwood when they first met
Isherwood was 48 years old when he met 18 year old Don Bachardy on a California beach one Valentines Day. Their 30 year age difference raised many eyebrows at the time, but the couple remained together for the next 30 years, until Isherwood's death in 1986.

They were an outrageous pairing who did nothing to hide their love for each other. They became one of Hollywood's most famous openly gay couples at a time when many gay actors were forced to remain in the closet.

It's only been a month with the new very special guy in my life, but I hope it keeps getting better. I'm not 100% over our 14 year age gap yet, but I'm working on it, and loving our time together. 

No comments: